Jasmine Hart

Hi. First I'd click edit and then press the "check spelling" button to catch typos. I'd cut; "And the reason it does, the reason you laugh and cry with it, ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! You have some great imagery here. I really love; "The moon of your desire Casts an Eclipse on the Sunshine of your hate", and it flows ...

This flows well and your imagery is beautiful and vivid. I really loved; "the willow tree that bent under your hand," and "peel off pains that caressed you like a ...

Hi. This flows well and progresses nicely from beginning to end. First I'd fix the layout of this so that it looks like a poem on the page. Maybe something ...

Hi. The first thing I'd do is rate this for content. The first stanza is fine. I'd change the hands over the lips bit-it's a very strange image and I ...

Happy birthday. Have a lovely day and a lovely year.

Hi. Welcome to YWS! I quite liked this; it's very original. I'd alter your register. In parts it reads like an essay and I'd add colloquialisms to make it clear ...

Aw I love this! It made me smile. I really love; "Icecreams like me." and "Like a hurl without a sliothar, Would be stranded." I think it's great as it ...

This is lovely. It flows well and you handle the rhyming scheme effectively. I'd put "rising" in the first line as I think it will help it to flow a ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS. I like the use of alliteration in "Arguments Arise." The first thing I'd do with this is click "edit" and then "check spelling". That will catch ...

Hi. This is laid out nicely. It highlights the speaker's thought process. I'd click the "check spelling" button over the box you type into before posting. It will catch misspellings ...

This flows very well and you express yourself nicely. I love; "lonely gravestone" and; "Your life-prolonging hourglass Has dropped its grains, Declared defeat". I'd change "still I cannot let you ...

This flows well, and you have some lovely images, such as; "Cascading reams of oceanic foam". I think that sometimes you make your lines to long, for what it seems ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! The first eight lines are fine, and I especially like the alliteration of 'diamond dredged', but you're right, the ending is a bit weak. The shooting ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! The first line is a nice gateway into the poem, as you've focused on an image. I'd suggest elaborating on this a bit, and trying to ...